Kids of Divorce, Kids of Alcoholics, Kids Navigating Change
I was all of them, and I wrote about it in A Song Called Home
When I was around ten years old, my father left and my parents divorced. His acute alcoholism was the major contributing factor in these events, and it was so bad that his leaving was mostly a relief for me, my sister, and my mom. I can’t imagine an alternate past in which the leaving and divorce didn’t happen.
Of course, the fact that it was the best thing for us didn’t make it easy. A family splitting apart is always traumatic in its specific way. As the youngest in the family, it may have been easiest on me. I was old enough to understand what was happening, but young enough that I wasn’t all that aware of how serious the changes were.
That is, until my future stepdad appeared on the horizon after what seemed like all-too-brief a reprieve from upheaval. Soon there was a wedding and a move and a change in schools—a whole new reality for my day to day life and the trajectory of our life as a family. Evidence strongly suggests it was all for the good, but boy it hurt at the time.
When my editor and agent encouraged me to start thinking about writing a middle grade book, this story—my story—felt like the right one to tell. Though the experience of a family breaking and being put back together into a new shape is classic material in kids books, it can never be overdone. With the divorce rate in America hovering right around 45%, there’s no shortage of young readers (and old readers still processing) who want and need to see this reflected in books.
Meanwhile, nearly a quarter of Americans over 26 report engaging in binge drinking, which is one form of alcohol abuse but not the only, and all sorts of levels and frequency of drinking can create negative effects on both the drinker and the people close to them. Unfortunately, stories about parents who abuse alcohol and drugs also have evergreen relevance for too many readers. I knew that needed to be part of my book, too.
Not everyone thinks young readers can handle all that, despite the fact that they are being forced to live with it and “handle it” in their real lives. In my recent conversation with Corey Ann Haydu—who also writes about these issues—we talked about how she responds to that line of thinking, among other things. You can watch the replay of that conversation here.
The thing is, kids don’t choose these paths for themselves. We’re taken along for the ride. Even when the destination is a better place—as it was for my family, and as it is for Lu in A Song Called Home—getting there involves a lot of painful letting go, grieving the casualties of circumstance (like old friends and familiar places), and not being able to see around the corner to know how it’s all going to turn out.
Good books about these experiences provide one model, one representation of the possibilities of hope.
A Song Called Home is available for purchase now; the firm ship date is 3/15. Every pre-order, every future order, every request at a local bookstore or public library helps more readers find a story that may be a lifeline. (Or even just a good read! That matters, too.)
If you’re in the SF Bay Area, come out to the in-person event with Malinda Lo and Last Night at the Telegraph Club on March 13. (I just finished Malinda’s book and it is so good and deserving of the many awards it has received.)
Song is an Amazon Best Book for March [insert all disclaimers about whether or not supporting the Mighty ‘Zon is good for books and writers].
It was also featured on NBC’s TODAY last week. Yes, national morning TV! Check it out along with Jasmine Guillory’s other March recommendations right here.
Thanks for bearing with me throughout this ✨extended release✨ experience, and for your support and enthusiasm! I’ll be back in your inbox in April.
📚 Post-Script 📚
If you’re not that familiar with my other books, A Song Called Home isn’t the first time I’ve written about divorce, stepparents, and substance abuse, albeit in a young adult, not middle-grade, context. A quick guide:
Sweethearts: Divorce & remarriage/stepparent
Once Was Lost: Alcoholic parent (mom)
How to Save a Life: Parental abuse, sexual abuse (not graphic)
Gem & Dixie: Substance abuse, emotional abuse
Goodbye from Nowhere: Parental infidelity
Find them all at sarazarr.com or wherever you buy books.
Love this Sara, thank you! :)
OMG I need this yesterday Sara! A man from our home group is leaving his wife for an old girlfriend and his 14 year old daughter has become best friend to both of my two daughters so now she’s part of our family and I need to help her through this somehow… Lee